Saturday, December 10, 2011

Holidays and ADD

As I wrapped the last Christmas gift a little bit ago, I was in deep thought over how birthdays and holidays affect my son.  Since I was in such deep thought, I wasn't paying attention and I dropped the Millennium Falcon, and it made all kinds of noise.  My son, who was supposed to be asleep, in his room, with the door closed (note, my door is closed too) heard the noise.  I hear him pop out of bed, open his door, start banging on my door WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE MOMMY.  Oh, I'm really tired I'm sleeping.  NO YOU ARENT, YOU'RE PLAYING WITH TOYS!!!! That one's a smart one he is.  Go back to bed. lol  How can he hear this through two closed doors, yet he can't hear me say his name when I'm sitting right next to him?

I don't talk much about my children, so most all of you don't know my son has ADD.  Birthdays and holidays are very hard on him.  There are so many new things, and he wants them all open right now.  RIGHT NOW.  Patience is something we have been working long and hard on, but it does not come easy to him.  His mind jumps forward too fast, and he can't stay focused, especially when faced with new toys.  I know I should be looking forward to Christmas, and cherishing the fact this is my last baby being so excited for Santa to come.  But honestly, I'm dreading our Christmas morning.  He's meticulous about not tearing wrapping paper, so it takes him a while to open anything.  He then wants to study it for a minute.  I have no problem with this, I don't rush him, he does things at his own pace.  The problem always comes when he is done unwrapping everything and borderline freaks out because he can't decide what to play with first.  It's too much for him.

This year, I finally got smart.  Most everything can be played with together.  This is going to eliminate some of the short attention span/focus problem, and being overwhelmed for him.  There of course are some other educational things, and his favorite, clothes.  But for the most part everything can be played with together, and I think this is really going to make this Christmas morning so much easier for him.  In birthdays and Christmases past, I have gotten in the habit of opening boxes to get guys/cars/whatever it is out to be one step ahead of him.  This has also helped a lot.

I have been a parent a long time.  What worked with one child did not work with the others.  My son has been my biggest challenge to find what works with him.  But he and I understand each other.  I can find what works for him because I relate.  There is too much "excitement" this time of year for him anyway, it overwhelms him to easy.  We have quiet down time to try to help with that.  Reading is his new passion, so we read a lot.  I will be happy when the holidays are over though, so we can get back to our normal schedule.

And just in case you didn't catch it up at the top of this blog, that's right, all my wrapping is done. I just felt the need to make sure you knew this :)

Merry Fucking Christmas. Is it over yet?

I know I am on a tangent about parenting lately, but it seems like every single time I leave the house I am hit with it.  Before I go any further, and before someone comes along trying to start shit, I never claimed to be a perfect parent.  I have made mistakes along the way.  BUT, I have also been very consistent with what I expect from my children, and have always stayed on top of any behavior that got out of line.  This is why my children are polite, respectful, and behave when I leave the house with them.

1.  If you know your child requires a nap at a certain time, don't try to force the little darling in to being happy about sitting on a stranger's lap when said child misses their nap.  I'm not sure who was more frustrated by that meltdown, Santa or you.  Regardless, it's not fair to your child, and it's definitely not fair to Santa.
2. If you know your toddler is scared to death of Santa, do not force your child to sit on his lap.  Holding him down while he's flipping the fuck out is not cool.  I'm surprised Santa didn't bitch slap you to be honest.  And it did look like he was going to.
3.  Keep your kids in check.  Allowing them to run around aimlessly knocking in to people, and running over toddlers is not cool.  Laughing when that happens makes me want to run you over.  With a truck.  And then put it in reverse and run you over again.
4.  The malls are crowded this time of year.  Nobody likes that.  But stopping to stare at the ceiling right fucking in front of me not once, but three times, causing me to run in to you all three times does in fact result in me saying "bitch get the FUCK out of my way".   Don't look offended.  There was nothing on the ceiling of interest.  Yes I stupidly looked to see if I had missed something, and guess what? I didn't.
5.  When mall security is chasing you through the mall, the smart thing would be to stop.  Face it, you're caught.  Don't start screaming about your rights when you are met at the other end of the mall by the other half of security and tackled.
6.  Do not look at me like that for taking my children in to Hot Topic. There is nothing in there they shouldn't see.  They go with me in to Victoria's Secret and you didn't give me a dirty look then, so what's the problem here? And really, are you following me?  and why?
7.  I understand you have a job to do.  I do.  But you need to understand I have serious allergies.  Come at me with that spray bottle one more time after I tell you No Thank You, very politely, not once, but FOUR times and you are not going to be happy.  The third time I even told you why.  Don't try to convince me I'm not allergic to your shit, because as I walked by I immediately started sneezing and wheezing.  Trying to follow me as I walk by is not helping your case, nor will it change my mind. Keep that fucking thing away from me.

But, I do want to say one thing.  As I was leaving the mall, a teenage boy started kind of trying to bust past me.  I opened my mouth to say something when I heard him start yelling "Ma'am let me help you with that" I looked towards where he was running and saw an elderly lady who was carrying a LOT of stuff.  He went and helped her get it all in the car.  The parents of that teen boy deserve a medal for raising a son like that.

And now on to the grocery store.....
1.  Apples are not things for your children to play catch with.  They are also not weapons of mass destruction for them to then start throwing AT each other.  Don't get all bent out of shapen when I tell them to knock it off.  Get off your cell phone and do your job as a parent.
2.  How many times must I say this?  Keep your children from running around like wild animals. 

I just don't understand people.  I really, really don't.  And honestly I have given up trying.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

the lack of respect and responsiblity in most of todays youth

Have you ever noticed, that the people who are quickest to point out how bad mannered, and ill behaved other people's children are, more often than not, the ones who let their own hellions run rampant?  So have I.  

You have all at some point read my rants about children running wild in the grocery store.  It is not cute, nor is it darling when your badly behaved child is running around, bumping in to people, touching/dropping/breaking things they have no business touching or picking up in the first place.  As I tell my own children, unless you have the money to pay for it, you have no business picking it up.  This saves me from having to pay for something my children broke.  This is called parenting.  This is called teaching your children how to behave.

The same can be said for guests in your home.  My children were raised to respect their elders, and to behave in public and in other people's homes.  We have all had "those" children in our homes at some point.  You know the ones.  These are the children who throw balls in the house which almost always end up breaking something. These are the children who stand in the middle of a glass table (yes, this DID happen, and YES, I DID have a freaking heart attack)  These are the children who write on your walls.  And these are the children who break things, on purpose, just to get attention.

When you do not teach your children how to behave, or how to respect their elders and peers, you are not doing them any favors.  You aren't.  You are teaching them that they can do whatever they want to, with little or no consequence.  this is not a good lesson for them to learn.  

I have also noticed that these parents also fail to teach their children responsibility.  Responsibility can cover a wide range of things, from how to be responsible for their own actions to being responsible for doing their own chores.  You see having children do chores is something that teaches them not only that they need to help out in a household they live in, but how to take care of these things when they grow up and move out.  Doing your 25 year old son's laundry, while he sits in the basement playing video games complaining that you did not buy him Twinkies is NOT teaching him responsibility.  The reason your 25 year old son lives in your basement, unemployed, is because you failed somewhere at teaching him responsibility (this can be interchanged for a daughter, I am not being sexist, there are many irresponsible daughters too)

Teaching them how to behave takes time yes, it also takes patience.  If you have neither time nor patience to teach your children how to behave, why did you have children in the first place?  Put your drink down long enough to spend some time with your children.  Teach them how to behave. Teach them how to be responsible.  Children also learn through example.  Are you setting a good example for your children?  I'm guessing not if they behave badly and irresponsibly.  


This made me laugh. I don't know if I'm *that* tired, or it's *that* funny

Sunday, November 27, 2011

The trials and tribulations of starting over when your fairy-tale ends in a nightmare

This is a particularly sore subject with me, but since one of my most favorite people in the world asked me to write about it, I can't deny the request. It is deeply personal, and probably the only deeply personal blog entry the public will see from me. All my other deeply personal blogs are private, or shared with very few people.

You meet the person of your dreams. There are sparks from the first second you lay eyes on them. The electricity that fills the room is unbearable. You have so much in common it's almost scary, but not quite scary because of the connection you feel with this person. You like the same things, you love the same things, you dislike the same things, your senses of humor are so in sync that you "get it" when nobody else does. A simple look from this person can turn your insides to jelly, and make you walk in to walls. Where has this person been all your life? How can it be that someone so perfect for you has taken so long to show up?

You fall in love. You fall hard. You make plans for the future. You combine checking accounts. You move in together. You may even get married. You have joint purchases with this person. Everything you do, you do together. (but yes, there are the times that you both spend with your respective friends) You start your own traditions, traditions you plan to carry on for the rest of your life with this person.

And then one day, out of the blue, this person walks out. There has been no warning. There is no talking about it. What you had thought all this time was the perfect person, turns out to be a person you just really don't know. Has it all been an act all this time? Did this person ever really love you? Were all the things and plans said and done with this person real? or was it just this person going through the motions?

You realize that your fairytale romance/relationship, has now turned in to a nightmare. You go through all the stages of grieving a breakup, which I call the stages of a breakup. I will list them:

1. Shock – wow I can’t believe this. this came out of nowhere. How did this happen?  Why did this happen? I just can’t believe he would leave me with no warning.

2. Denial – he didn’t really mean it. Things will be ok in a few days. I can’t accept this. this is when every car door you hear outside makes you jump and think he came to his senses and came back.

3. Grieving – this is when the world is about to end, your heart is shattered in a million pieces, you can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you can’t even breathe. You feel like you can't catch your breath because you have a boulder sitting on your chest. 15 lbs lost in a month. You look in the mirror and don’t recognize yourself because of the deep bags under your eyes, the paleness of your skin. Hair is falling out from lack of vitamins from eating. You can’t listen to the radio because you hear hidden love messages in every song, which makes you cry. You can’t watch tv because everything there makes you cry. You go in to your closet and see your wedding dress hanging there, and it brings back the deep, body shaking sobs. You rip it off the hanger and shove it in to the closest box. You will never wear it, so who cares if it gets wrinkled?

4. Anger – this is when your heart is still shattered, but now the anger has set in. how could he do this after everything we have been through together? How could he do this to me period? After all we have been through? After I have been there for him every fucking step of the way through things he went through.

5. Acceptance – you finally start to accept this is how it is. You start to sleep a little more at night. The bags aren’t so bad. Your appetite is coming back but you still can’t eat much at a time or you throw up. There are still moments of breaking down in hysterical sobbing, but it is now only a few times a day instead of all day long.

6. What. The. Fuck. – this is the most confusing of the stages. You get texts and calls from him saying “I love you” or “I miss you” or both. This is always followed by “I’m not ready to get back together” or “there is a possibility we could get back together” depending on the day. You are at the point you just don’t hold any faith in either statement, and what happens is what will happen.

7.Peace – you take a step back and realize you really might live through this after all. You reflect on what you have been through in the past 8 months, and realize who your friends really are, and definitely really aren’t. you are about to write the “aren’ts” off. Sleep is much better. When you are actually able to eat, it actually stays down. The bags under your eyes are still there, but not quite as noticeable. You get the attitude of “if he wants to talk to me he knows my number” and leave it at that. He still says he loves you, he misses you, but still doesn’t want to get back together. Instead of trying to talk to him about it, you just say “ok” and change the subject. This may be confusing to him, but you are trying to lick your wounds and heal. Crying is now reduced down to crying sometimes at bedtime, or if something triggers it…..”your song” or a special memory. Time will tell what will happen. Maybe you will get back together, maybe you won’t.

8. Moving on - Your heart is now a jaded piece of stone. You no longer cry. Life goes on, you are starting to get back in to the world of the living. When you get the texts, you roll your yes because you know they are just words, they don't mean anything. Actions speak louder than words, and if the words meant something, there would have been actions to prove it. Since there were no actions, you know in your heart they are, in fact, just words. You don't feel yet you will ever be able to trust anyone again. You realize you are just fine on your own, and do not need to have a significant other, especially one who will walk out on you. You no longer get teary at everything, you no longer have breakdowns.

So when your fairy-tale turns in to a nightmare, you will go through the stages of grieving, it's natural. But, in time you will be just fine. I promise. It may not feel that way, but you will get there. You will wake up from the nightmare, and be just fine. I promise.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Guest Blog by Sit Still Silly Slut

Guest Blog by SitStillSillySlut

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

We've all been there, long term serious relationship goes sour for one reason or another. You part ways. A week or so later you are cranky and mean and you know what it is... you need fucked. Do you want to put the effort into gettin so fresh and so clean? Do you want to really smile in the mirror and work on your lines? OR... try to call that ex. There are perks and trap doors to this idea. Let's talk about them.


All you have to do is shower and maaaaayyybeee shave. I mean seriously, long term, serious relationship, he's seen your legs hairy. You don't even have to put on makeup if you don't want to. BONUS!! Maybe it's just me, but I hate spending the twenty minutes to put makeup on, and the half hour to forty five minutes to do my hair JUST to have the makeup smeared and the hair ratted up in an hour or two.

You CAN shower, shave, spend two hours getting knock out'd up. Call that mother fucker and have him come over and you can PUT IT THE FUCK DOWN and make him hurt because he should still want your ass like he needs air! This is a revenge fuck, in one of it's plainest forms.

You already know what to expect. He knows what you like, you know what he likes, just makes for easier, and quite possibly a better fuck. Definitely quicker and smoother... And by quicker I mean to make it to the sheets.

Some of the downers of it~

Well... he could say no. And let's face it... if he says no, it's going to hurt. He might say no on principle. If you left him, he could be severely butthurt and going to say NO to get some of his ego back. But he could say yes, hopin if he puts it down on you, you will see the error of your ways. If he left you, chances are he's already bonin' someone else. If he's a true dog, he might fuck you behind her back. Which could be fun and exciting. So you got a 50/50 shot either way.

Emotions. The bane of any true slut's existence. And I am not talkin about his feelings. If you have a touch of feelings left, sex is only going to amp them up. Don't think you are pimp and can pull it off. You can't. If you still have that dreaded disease FEELINGS, move on and go to the bar. Because the only thing that's going to happen is that you are going to let every second thought run through your mind while he's thinkin about his nut. You will get hurt again, even worse than the original break up. It's just going to be all kinds of messy.

Okay, and here's another bad one... If you aren't together anymore, who's to say it's still clean?! Most people run out and fuck someone else as soon as they are single. It helps wipe the slate clean, it's where the Rebound thing comes into play. How many rebounds have they had since you split?? Oh, ya don't know?? Were they safe when they were sweating with someone else?? Oh yeah, you don't know that either... You weren't there. People lie.

I guess it all boils down to where you stand with your ex. How do you feel about your ex? Are you pimp enough to not have any feelings except physical? Are you secure in yourself enough that if they laugh at you when you make your booty call, that you won't hurt?

Personally, my boy brain kicks in... and I think to myself... "Been there, done that." While I am shaving my legs to go to the bar. We all know that there's bigger, better and more beautiful out there... So why shouldn't I continue on my quest to find it? I would only call an ex out of desperation, and that doesn't happen. I'm too fuckin cute for me to be desperate.

Now, go dig out your flat iron and your make up bag... it's Ladies' night at the local bar.....

~The Slut

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

guest blog

guest blog I did for ItMoaGG that he reworked

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Deadbeat parents, it's not just for dad anymore

When I posted the picture a few weeks ago of the skeleton lady sitting on the bench, with the title "Waiting for child support" I had no idea the amount of comments I would get on that. I found it funny, because that is me. Waiting, and waiting for the child support that only comes every few months, if that. What I failed to know, is how little people really realize that dead beat parents are not just for dad anymore, this also applies to mothers. So when one of my lovely readers suggested I write about dead beat dads, I loved the idea because I thought what better time to make people more aware it's not just the dads?

Courts are awarding dads custody of the child(ren) more and more. You have no idea how many times I have heard "and he just got custody, that's unheard of in this state, they always side with the mom". Well yes, they used to. But the courts are slowly starting to wise up and realize that placement of custody with the mother is NOT always in the child(ren)s best interest. The courts are actually starting to pay attention during custody proceedings, and they are starting to make rulings in favor of the fathers. (and yes, I am aware this is not always the case, but it IS happening more than you know/realize)

Now, with that being said, this changes the way child support in general works. Mom doesn't make as much as dad? That doesn't matter. If the child(ren) live with dad, mom needs to support her spawn in the same manner a dad would have to. Women wanted equal rights. Guess what? You can't pick and choose what rights you want equality on.

I had a dear friend who fought, and fought, and fought to get his children away from their drug addicted mother. It was a long financially and mentally draining process, but he did finally win. He was not made of money. In fact, he struggled as a single dad the same way single moms do. I don't recall ever once hearing about him actually getting child support from the dead beat mom, nor did I ever hear him complain about it. The only think he complained about was that "Mom" (and I use the term very loosely) didn't call on birthdays or holidays. She always "forgot". Sound familiar? That's because it is. Dead beat parents are just that, dead beat parents. It doesn't matter if they are mom or dad.

When you have a child with someone, whether you are the mother, OR the father, it's your responsibility to live up to your obligations, whether it works out with you and baby mama/baby daddy. Your child deserves every ounce of support from you, their PARENT, not mom, not dad, PARENT, are ordered by the court to provide. Your child also serves emotional support, loving support, and for you to grow the fuck up and act like the parent, not their friend. (I will save that for another blog) Spend time with your kids. Go to their events (sports, school, etc). And most importantly listen when they want to talk to you.

I am lucky on one hand, because my baby daddy is active in my kid's lives, and spends time with them. On the other hand, I have heard every excuse in the book as to why he can't pay his child support on time, or at all.

So the bottom line is, I understand the frustration on not getting your child support, believe me, I understand being on that end. But what you lovely readers need to understand, is that this is NOT just a dead beat dad thing anymore, it's a dead beat PARENT thing now. We're in the year 2011. It's time to pull the mentality out of the 1950s and live in the present.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Reader submitted topic: how dating websites makes it easier to catch cheaters

I asked for reader submitted blog topics not long ago, and as always, I said the one with the most likes would be what I wrote about next. Well since this just happens to be my blog, I get to change the rules with no notice, so the topic with the most likes will be the NEXT thing I blog about. There was one topic suggestion that caught my eye, and made me say "ooooh! I like that!" The topic suggestion was directed at, however, any dating site can be interchanged.

Years ago, before Al Gore invented the internet, men and women were able to have cheat/have affairs with little to no chance of being caught. Technology was nowhere near as advanced as it is now, so lame excuses such as "I was stuck in traffic" or "I had to work late" were easy enough for cheaters to get away with. Back pre-internet, a lot of companies did not have direct dial office numbers, so "I had to work late" was the most common used excuse. When the receptionist left for the day, the phones were off. The cheater knew this, and counted on it.

Fast forward many years later, in to a world dependent on technology. "I had to work late" almost never works anymore, and hasn't since cell phones started to fit in your pocket. There are people who don't have cell phones, but a cheater almost always done. A cheater can't have his or her new booty call give him/her a call at home and risk getting caught. They rely on cell phones, and their ability to stay silent, or vibrate. They can send and receive texts right in front of you, and claim it's work, family, friends, anyone but who it really is.

But since the internet came along, numerous dating websites have popped up over the years. There is a dating site out there for everyone, no matter what you're in to, or not in to, religious/spiritual beliefs, etc. The cheaters thought this was amazing! They had a new place to meet people without the awkward explanation about the big bar bill. Now since I have a personal story with, I am going to go with that instead of

Many years back, I happened to be sitting at my ex's desk, when an email came in. He had his email neatly sorted in to folders, with rules applied so they would go in to said folders when email arrived. I heard the "ding" when the email came in, and it went in to MY folder. odd, I am sitting right the fuck here? how can *I* send him an email? He was standing there, and started shifting uncomfortably. I looked at him and asked what the fuck is he up to now, and turned and looked to see what *I* sent. Well imagine my surprise to see that in MY folder, were a gazillion emails from, and all the women he had been talking to.

I told him to get out out (yes, of his own office, his life depended on it at this point) and spent the next hour reading everything. When I had calmed down enough to not kick the fuck out of him, I told him that was it, if I ever found out he was on there again, we were done. Then came the promises of never again. You know the bullshit.

Fast forward a few months. I noticed he was getting jumpy about me going near his desk. Mmk then. So I went to, set myself up a profile that I knew would appeal to him, and sat back to wait. Within 2 days, I had an email from him. I ignored it, but I DID notice he had a new profile. So while he DID assure me he was going to shut down the profile, I guess I wasn't fucking specific enough to say stay the fuck OFF that site completely, you know, because you're MARRIED. With the new login, I was able to learn all kinds of new things (he is not a bright man, he still to this day uses the exact same password for everything that he did back then) So being the sweet, loving wife that I was, I changed HIS profile to attract anything and everything BUT what he was looking for, and put his cell number in his profile. yes he got a lot of calls. No it was not from anyone he would have ever wanted to hear from, and yes after a few days I DID tell him what I discovered. And NO that was not why we are divorced, but it was a contributing factor. That is another blog for another day.

The moral of the story is you may think you are getting away with cheating, but with the way technology advances daily, you won't forever. Not only can you be "set up" on a dating site, but people can find all kinds of things out about you on the internet. And one day, when you are on one of these sites talking to someone who seems too good to be true? They probably are, they are probably a very pissed off significant other of either yourself, or the person you think you're talking to.

And on a slightly more disturbing note, how do you really know that person you're talking to isn't your own mom or dad pretending to be 20 years younger? Or even one of your siblings? It's fucking happened, google it. People can be whoever they want to be on the internet, it's in real life that their real self/colors show.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Reader submitted topic: "Adults acting like high school students by gossiping and acting jealous of others"

Adults acting like children. Wow, we ALL know these people. I like to call them "frienemies" They are not truly friends, and yet not truly enemies. They are somewhere in the middle, will lean more in one direction than the other depending on how happy they are with you at any given time. They are the people who are so miserably unhappy with themselves, that they can work themselves up in to acting like a child. The behavior that they display is usually a direct result of not getting their way in some way.

The frienemy will gossip about their friends, family, coworkers, the Walmart greeter, anyone can be a target of this gossip. As with all people who gossip, they take one small piece of truth, and twist in to a fairy tale of lies. by the time this gossip is repeated enough times, it is nowhere near what was originally said and is now a rumor. These adults who gossip also spread rumors, all to make other people around them look bad. This can be anything from "I heard that guy used to deal drugs" to "She is a prostitute out of her kitchen while her kids are at school". These rumors have the potential to cause real harm. The frienemy does not care about this, the frienemy only cares about getting their way, because that is how they are.

The frienemy also has a tendency to be extremely jealous of those around them. It can be everything from a job someone has, to a relationship, to financial standing. We have all had at least a small stab of jealousy at some point in our lives, but most of us can contain it. It does not matter to the frienemy whether or not you have worked your ass off round the clock to build your business up, or have truly met your soulmate and married/started a family with them. A jealous person does not see reason, they only see something you have, that they want. The frienemy will smile to your face and tell you how happy they are for you, yet they are thinking to themselves about all the ways they can stab you in the back, because it's just SO UNFAIR. why should YOU get to have this when the frienemy can't?

The frienemy does all these things as a way of seeking attention in some way. The more they do these things, the more attention they feel they get when people ask if these things are true. They feel they are winning, however, they do not realize it is only a matter of time before thier "frienemy" status is discovered, and all these things they have been doing to gain attention will blow in their face.

Ironically, even though these adults act this way, they scold their children relentlessly to not do them. How can they do this, you ask? My thought is they know exactly what they are doing, and have been doing it for so long they can't stop themselves but they don't want their children to grow up to be this way.

There is no reasoning with the frienemy. People have tried and failed through out history.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Reader submitted topic: "The snowball effect on Facebook"

There was once a girl who got on Facebook during the day from work, and updated her status. In her status she called out several of her coworkers, by first name, and talked all kinds of shit about them. In the status update, she also mentioned that the company she works for was filing bankruptcy and would be shut down within the next few months. This was not yet public knowledge.

Someone on her friend's list who worked for a competor saw this status update, and showed his boss. This someone, also "shared" the status update of the girl so all his coworkers could see, who then in turn shared it. Lather, rinse, repeat. Before you knew it, it was not just public knowledge that this company was going to file bankruptcy/shut down, but it was a top story of the news that night since it was not a small company. This was very problematic to the company shutting down, as they had counted on income from those last few months to help pay employee salaries, and other things.

The girl, after posting said update, went about her day and didn't give it a second thought. When she went in the next day, however, she was more than surprised to find her boss was furious. She was fired on the spot, (yes, she was losing her job anyway, but that is not the point of this story. keep up) escorted out of the building, and was unable to collect unemployment. She ended up losing her apartment and her car, and had to move back in with her parents, at age 35.

What is the point of this tale, you're asking? This is just one of many, many examples of the snowball effect of things said on Facebook. You may think that what you are saying is "private" because you have something posted set to be viewed as "friends only". There is no such thing, and that is the truth. I can almost guarantee you have at least one "Frienemy" lurking in the shadows (I will be posting about the patient darlings) If you post something on Facebook (or the internet in general) you can expect that somehow, someway, it can and will become public. This can be done through screenshots, through "sharing" a status, or through copy and paste. nothing, absolutely nothing on the internet is private, or even friends only. This goes for messages on Facebook, email, status updates, and pictures. yes, even pictures are not safe. And guess what? with the new "smart phones" out there that can screenshot text messages, text messages are no longer private.

The point of this post is the snowball effect of things said on Facebook can be devastating. Nothing is private. If what you have to say is something that not everyone should know, you have no business posting about it. It's up to you to be responsible and act like a responsible adult. If you are irresponsible, you WILL be responsible for the snowball effect of what you post. I promise the person/people it affects will come back to you as the originator.

Monday, October 31, 2011

A guest blog I did for Inside the Mind of a Ghetto Genius on Facebook

Let's discuss the differences between Facebook friends, whom you have never met in person and likely never will, versus "In real life" type of friends (from this point forward IRL), that you see frequently. We all have both types of friends, so which is better? And why? One is almost always fucked up, the other, is amazing.

We will start with the IRL friends. These can range anywhere from people you've known all your life, to a co-worker that you really hit it off with and now hang with on the weekends. These are people you will stand up for without question (even when you know they're in the wrong), you go to all the big events in their lives such as graduations, birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, children's birthday parties, spend holidays and vacations with, etc. You have photo albums full of pictures of you with these friends, and all the good times you have had together. You have memories with these people, some good, some bad. You have bared your soul to these friends, and they know everything about you.

Next, let's discuss your Facebook friends (but really, any social/blogging network can be interchanged here) These are people that you have never met, and probably never will. You "met" online from a common interest such as a game, a fan page, a mutual friend, or something similar. Comments are exchanged back and forth. Eventually you "move up in the world" in to the message box, where you then start messaging each other back and forth. You realize you have so much more in common than you ever thought! Soon you start to turn to these friends for advice to problems you don't think your IRL friends will understand, or want an unbiased opinion on. You wonder where this amazing friend has been all your life! Over time you form a very strong friendship, and don't stop for a minute to think how funny it is you have never met this person offline.

Now, let's give a scenario, and put these two friend types to the test.

You come home from work early one day, and want to surprise your spouse with an afternoon of hot unbridled sex. You rush in the house, throw open the bedroom door, only to see that while your spouse IS enjoying an afternoon of hot unbridled sex, you were not invited, or even notified. Your spouse jumps up, forgetting he and his fuck buddy are naked, and starts with "It's not what it looks like....let me explain...." Explain my ass, do I look like I was born yesterday? Once the dust settles from the war that ensues, who do you turn to? Do you turn to your IRL friends, who are mutual friends of you and your spouse who you just caught butt ass naked fucking the neighbor? Or do you turn to your Facebook friends?

Now I know IRL friends always promise they will not take sides in the case of divorce, but I've seen it happen, you've seen it happen. IRL friends always do choose sides. Chances are the spouse you just caught, had been having an affair for a while (or whatever the particulars were in your situation...this is just one scenario out of thousands I can randomly pull out of my ass), and had already begun to "build his case" with these IRL friends. In their eyes, they are going with your spouse in the divorce, not with you. Why? Because they believed the tale of bullshit he has been spinning in advance, you know, in case you did happen to catch his cheating ass. Were they ever really friends? At some point, yes they were. Are they now? Fuck no. Now they have turned into drama hungry asshats who only want to sit back sipping their wine and discussing where you went wrong, because of course it couldn't be the fault of the lying cheating fucktard you just caught, now can it?

Your Facebook friends, however, have known for months that you suspected your spouse was cheating on you. They have been encouraging you to confront him, talk to him, ask him, and/or even try to figure out what is wrong and work it out. They will be the ones still there to help pick up the pieces and put you back together. They will be the ones offering to fly across the country just to be there for you, when the IRL friends have turned their back on you in favor of drama. Your Facebook friends will be the ones still around after the ink dries on the divorce documents, and they will be the ones laughing their ass off with you when your now ex-spouse's fuck buddy who is now the nightmare wife from hell, cheats on him and does to him what he did to you. They will also be the ones who will still be around long after the dust settles, and you have forgotten all about "what's his name". The only thing Facebook friends can't do is give you a hug when you really need it, but wait...where the fuck are all your IRL friends to give you this hug? Oh that's right, they left with "what's his name".

I have had the good fortune of meeting quite a number of my "online" friends in person, have vacationed with them, have had them in my home, have been in their home, talk to them, text with them, and hang out with them on a regular basis. I now have new memories, new photos, and these amazing people in my life. And you know what? I do not miss the IRL friends even a little, because true friendship does not take sides, and does not leave you behind in favor of drama.

There ARE creepy stalker type people out on the internet, don't get me wrong (and there are creepy stalker type people you know IRL too). But I have had the good fortune to meet some pretty damn amazing people in the 10+ years I have been blogging. You should always take caution in sharing personal details of your life with anyone you meet on the internet and even more caution meeting anyone offline. Safety first always.

That's my story, I'm sticking to it.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Checking accounts

Let's discuss checking accounts, shall we? I do not keep a register. I know this is not a good thing, so no lectures on this. I do not keep one, because every time I attempt to do this, I lose it anyway, so it's a moot point.

Anyway, I tend to keep my checks and balances in order by monitoring my account online. On a normal month, I write 2 to 3 checks, tops so this is not difficult for me to keep balances this way. It works for me, so I continue to do it. Once in a while this may go up by 1 check. My biggest pet peeve about checks is those who hold on to them for like a month before depositing them. Schools are absolutely the worst about this, BUT, in this particular instance it has been 3 weeks, and the non-school party I wrote this check has still not deposited it.

I get filled with this initial glee thinking I actually got some form of child support deposited (wishful thinking, yes, I know) by the state, but when I click the link to view transactions, I see it is only because said check still has not cleared.

Believe it or not, there are still businesses out there that do not take credit card, or I would completely stop writing checks all together for this very reason. Yes, yes I would.

Let's discuss the holidays for a moment or two, shall we?

I came to the conclusion tonight that most holidays have one common goal in mind for us. To make us fat.

This starts with Valentine's Day. Assuming you are involved with someone, you should be showered with chocolate and other sweet type things. (this is a moot point for me, I am not involved lol)

St Patrick's Day and Mardi Gras both bring with them booze. Mardi Gras brings cake too.

Easter is another candy filled holiday (though I have put a limit on this in my house) and a large dinner with leftovers for days

Memorial Day signals the first big cookout of the year. This is also another leftovers for days day.

June is a free month. Sit back, catch your breath, diet furiously.

July. 4th of July! more cookouts and if you have cookouts like what I have seen, there are always multiple desserts.

August, another free month!!! breathe....

September - Labor Day, usually the real last weekend you have for cookouts because now your life is consumed with school, after school sports, homework, etc.

October. I hate Halloween. I truly do. My children not only come home from school with the arms flowing over with candy, treat bags, cookies, etc, but then there is trick or treating. Trick or treating/crap brought home from school this year has resulted in 4 LARGE bowls of candy, not to mention a large pile of treat bags, and quite a few cookies. that does not count the cookies and other crap they brought home. It is not staying in the house, I have already warned them. I will let them munch on it until next weekend and if I can't find someone by then who wants it, it is OUT of this house. They are not allowed many sweets on a normal basis, so this month is always hard.

November. Oh Thanksgiving, all my comfort foods. I love you, I really do. I eat too much this one and only day, but I love you so. and I love you every day until I am sick of the sight and smell of you.

Christmas. This is like a re-run of Thanksgiving, except now there are Christmas cookies, candies, cakes, etc. none of which I think I will be baking this year. Christmas makes you remember why you don't eat turkey the rest of the year, so when you wonder in June, this is the answer. you burn yourself out on it in November and December.

New Year's Eve. I think the true reason we drink so much on this night is not to ring out the old year, and in the new, but to try to remember how much crap we actually ate throughout the year.

Just sayin.

A little rabbit is running happily

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

How parents should NOT act at their children's sporting events

I am going to use an example from when The Diva was a cheerleader, on how parents should NOT act at their children's sporting events.

We were at the final game for their division. The game was pretty intense, but the opposing team was definitely going to lose. There were some calls by the referees that the parents of the opposing team did not agree with. The coach of the opposing team did not agree with some of them either. There was much screaming by these adults in the middle of the field. Police were brought in. These parents were escorted out (football is serious business, yo) In the meantime, the coach of the opposing team came marching all the way across the field and bashed our coach in the face with a helmet. Cue much more outrage by the parents. Ok seriously? what did you teach the kids you are coaching here? I mean other than how to be a douche? Our coach wiped the blood off his face from his broken nose, and stayed calm (I still do not know HOW) and got back to business. Police came back in, arrested opposing coach, game commensed, opposing team lost. Our coach told me later that yes, he wanted to kick the other coach's ass, but he couldn't do it with "his kids" watching. He is my hero. THAT is the way to teach your kids how to behave at children's sporting events.

Now, this game was in a town I was not familiar with, and I did not realize I parked on the WAY wrong side of the school. I was walking back to my car with my daughter, and two other cheerleaders I was giving rides home (I was a coach, this was not unsual for me to take multiple cheerleaders to their houses after a game). I apparently parked on the side where all the parents from opposing team parked. Crap. And this is where I had to be the bigger person, shut my mouth (which as you know is hard for me to do), and set an example to these girls on how parents
should act at children's sporting events. This walk through the parking lot felt like it took an hour, though it was just a few minutes. These outraged parents were screaming obsenities at us, saying our team had cheated (seriously? how can you cheat at a VERY closely refereed game?) and started throwing shit at us. I am not going to lie, it took every ounce of strength I owned to not stop in my tracks and say something, but as I said, these parents were prime examples of how NOT to act, and I had to show these girls how you SHOULD act. We did get to the car safely, though one asshat tried to bash my windshield in with I can't even remember what it was, and I had a very long talk with these girls about what happened both on the field, and in the parking lot on the way home.

Now I have been to many, many different sporting events not just for my children, but for friend's children, nieces/nephews, etc. I think I have seen it all. I have seen everything from the ex-wife/current wife getting in to a screaming match and almost ready to let the fists fly until they get pulled apart, to the parents who demean their child for not performing up to their standards.

The demeaning parents are the ones that piss me off the most. Just because you couldn't/didn't/whatever do said sport, does not mean that your child needs to, nor does it mean your child should perform to your standards. What happened to when we put our children in sports for FUN? When your child is standing on the sidelines, or in the dugout, crying because YOU just reamed him for not performing to your expectations or for making an error, then you are an absolute failure as a parent. Kids make mistakes. Kids should do sports for fun. If your child is out there crying because of you, then your child is not having fun.

You are usually the parent who signs the child up for said sport, knowing he/she didn't want to do it in the first place, or is not physically up to it. Before you sign any child up for any sport, you should talk to your child about what this sport will involve, and hey even try ASKING if they even want to do it? and if you do get your child involved in sports, which is fabulous, don't be a failure of a parent by demeaning the child by screaming, yelling, or talking down to them either on OR off the field. Not only are you setting a bad example, but you are giving the child a very poor image of themselves. So when that child grows up to have self image problems, be sure to pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

If you have been guilty of any of the above, you are a failure of a parent. if this post pisses you off, then you are a failure of a parent because it hit a nerve. why would it hit a nerve....well just let me sit back and think about that......