Friday, November 11, 2011

Reader submitted topic: how dating websites makes it easier to catch cheaters

I asked for reader submitted blog topics not long ago, and as always, I said the one with the most likes would be what I wrote about next. Well since this just happens to be my blog, I get to change the rules with no notice, so the topic with the most likes will be the NEXT thing I blog about. There was one topic suggestion that caught my eye, and made me say "ooooh! I like that!" The topic suggestion was directed at match.com, however, any dating site can be interchanged.

Years ago, before Al Gore invented the internet, men and women were able to have cheat/have affairs with little to no chance of being caught. Technology was nowhere near as advanced as it is now, so lame excuses such as "I was stuck in traffic" or "I had to work late" were easy enough for cheaters to get away with. Back pre-internet, a lot of companies did not have direct dial office numbers, so "I had to work late" was the most common used excuse. When the receptionist left for the day, the phones were off. The cheater knew this, and counted on it.

Fast forward many years later, in to a world dependent on technology. "I had to work late" almost never works anymore, and hasn't since cell phones started to fit in your pocket. There are people who don't have cell phones, but a cheater almost always done. A cheater can't have his or her new booty call give him/her a call at home and risk getting caught. They rely on cell phones, and their ability to stay silent, or vibrate. They can send and receive texts right in front of you, and claim it's work, family, friends, anyone but who it really is.

But since the internet came along, numerous dating websites have popped up over the years. There is a dating site out there for everyone, no matter what you're in to, or not in to, religious/spiritual beliefs, etc. The cheaters thought this was amazing! They had a new place to meet people without the awkward explanation about the big bar bill. Now since I have a personal story with adultfriendfinder.com, I am going to go with that instead of match.com

Many years back, I happened to be sitting at my ex's desk, when an email came in. He had his email neatly sorted in to folders, with rules applied so they would go in to said folders when email arrived. I heard the "ding" when the email came in, and it went in to MY folder. odd, I am sitting right the fuck here? how can *I* send him an email? He was standing there, and started shifting uncomfortably. I looked at him and asked what the fuck is he up to now, and turned and looked to see what *I* sent. Well imagine my surprise to see that in MY folder, were a gazillion emails from adultfriendfinder.com, and all the women he had been talking to.

I told him to get out out (yes, of his own office, his life depended on it at this point) and spent the next hour reading everything. When I had calmed down enough to not kick the fuck out of him, I told him that was it, if I ever found out he was on there again, we were done. Then came the promises of never again. You know the bullshit.

Fast forward a few months. I noticed he was getting jumpy about me going near his desk. Mmk then. So I went to adultfriendfinder.com, set myself up a profile that I knew would appeal to him, and sat back to wait. Within 2 days, I had an email from him. I ignored it, but I DID notice he had a new profile. So while he DID assure me he was going to shut down the profile, I guess I wasn't fucking specific enough to say stay the fuck OFF that site completely, you know, because you're MARRIED. With the new login, I was able to learn all kinds of new things (he is not a bright man, he still to this day uses the exact same password for everything that he did back then) So being the sweet, loving wife that I was, I changed HIS profile to attract anything and everything BUT what he was looking for, and put his cell number in his profile. yes he got a lot of calls. No it was not from anyone he would have ever wanted to hear from, and yes after a few days I DID tell him what I discovered. And NO that was not why we are divorced, but it was a contributing factor. That is another blog for another day.

The moral of the story is you may think you are getting away with cheating, but with the way technology advances daily, you won't forever. Not only can you be "set up" on a dating site, but people can find all kinds of things out about you on the internet. And one day, when you are on one of these sites talking to someone who seems too good to be true? They probably are, they are probably a very pissed off significant other of either yourself, or the person you think you're talking to.

And on a slightly more disturbing note, how do you really know that person you're talking to isn't your own mom or dad pretending to be 20 years younger? Or even one of your siblings? It's fucking happened, google it. People can be whoever they want to be on the internet, it's in real life that their real self/colors show.

4 comments:

  1. I love it when you call it like you see it! I have also read about how the dating services are used by psychopaths to shop for their next victims and has made it oh so very easy to get away with it!

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  2. One time many years ago, I had a couple-hour conversation with my boyfriend--except, I had it as a mutual friend of ours. I wanted to see what my boyfriend was like if he wasn't talking to "me."

    I still wonder what the crack compelled me. It was a very different world then, and very easy technologically to pull the tricks to make it happen.

    It's very easy to pretend, if you play it right. The thought disturbs me still, 16-17 years later.

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  3. I have a friend who just busted her soon to be ex out about that very same site. So glad there is someone that will tell it like it is. kudos and rock on!
    P.S. Just found you on FB through a friends picture share.

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  4. I did the exact same thing to my ex. He was on the same site LOL Sometimes I wonder what they think they are doing? I wonder if we were married to the same guy some times...

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