Merry Fucking Christmas. Is it over yet?

I know I am on a tangent about parenting lately, but it seems like every single time I leave the house I am hit with it.  Before I go any further, and before someone comes along trying to start shit, I never claimed to be a perfect parent.  I have made mistakes along the way.  BUT, I have also been very consistent with what I expect from my children, and have always stayed on top of any behavior that got out of line.  This is why my children are polite, respectful, and behave when I leave the house with them.

1.  If you know your child requires a nap at a certain time, don't try to force the little darling in to being happy about sitting on a stranger's lap when said child misses their nap.  I'm not sure who was more frustrated by that meltdown, Santa or you.  Regardless, it's not fair to your child, and it's definitely not fair to Santa.

2. If you know your toddler is scared to death of Santa, do not force your child to sit on his lap.  Holding him down while he's flipping the fuck out is not cool.  I'm surprised Santa didn't bitch slap you to be honest.  And it did look like he was going to.

3.  Keep your kids in check.  Allowing them to run around aimlessly knocking in to people, and running over toddlers is not cool.  Laughing when that happens makes me want to run you over.  With a truck.  And then put it in reverse and run you over again.

4.  The malls are crowded this time of year.  Nobody likes that.  But stopping to stare at the ceiling right fucking in front of me not once, but three times, causing me to run in to you all three times does in fact result in me saying "bitch get the FUCK out of my way".   Don't look offended.  There was nothing on the ceiling of interest.  Yes I stupidly looked to see if I had missed something, and guess what? I didn't.

5.  When mall security is chasing you through the mall, the smart thing would be to stop.  Face it, you're caught.  Don't start screaming about your rights when you are met at the other end of the mall by the other half of security and tackled.

6.  Do not look at me like that for taking my children in to Hot Topic. There is nothing in there they shouldn't see.  They go with me in to Victoria's Secret and you didn't give me a dirty look then, so what's the problem here? And really, are you following me?  and why?

7.  I understand you have a job to do.  I do.  But you need to understand I have serious allergies.  Come at me with that spray bottle one more time after I tell you No Thank You, very politely, not once, but FOUR times and you are not going to be happy.  The third time I even told you why.  Don't try to convince me I'm not allergic to your shit, because as I walked by I immediately started sneezing and wheezing.  Trying to follow me as I walk by is not helping your case, nor will it change my mind. Keep that fucking thing away from me.

But, I do want to say one thing.  As I was leaving the mall, a teenage boy started kind of trying to bust past me.  I opened my mouth to say something when I heard him start yelling "Ma'am let me help you with that" I looked towards where he was running and saw an elderly lady who was carrying a LOT of stuff.  He went and helped her get it all in the car.  The parents of that teen boy deserve a medal for raising a son like that.

And now on to the grocery store.....

1.  Apples are not things for your children to play catch with.  They are also not weapons of mass destruction for them to then start throwing AT each other.  Don't get all bent out of shapen when I tell them to knock it off.  Get off your cell phone and do your job as a parent.

2.  How many times must I say this?  Keep your children from running around like wild animals. 

I just don't understand people.  I really, really don't.  And honestly I have given up trying.