Sunday, November 13, 2011

Deadbeat parents, it's not just for dad anymore

When I posted the picture a few weeks ago of the skeleton lady sitting on the bench, with the title "Waiting for child support" I had no idea the amount of comments I would get on that. I found it funny, because that is me. Waiting, and waiting for the child support that only comes every few months, if that. What I failed to know, is how little people really realize that dead beat parents are not just for dad anymore, this also applies to mothers. So when one of my lovely readers suggested I write about dead beat dads, I loved the idea because I thought what better time to make people more aware it's not just the dads?

Courts are awarding dads custody of the child(ren) more and more. You have no idea how many times I have heard "and he just got custody, that's unheard of in this state, they always side with the mom". Well yes, they used to. But the courts are slowly starting to wise up and realize that placement of custody with the mother is NOT always in the child(ren)s best interest. The courts are actually starting to pay attention during custody proceedings, and they are starting to make rulings in favor of the fathers. (and yes, I am aware this is not always the case, but it IS happening more than you know/realize)

Now, with that being said, this changes the way child support in general works. Mom doesn't make as much as dad? That doesn't matter. If the child(ren) live with dad, mom needs to support her spawn in the same manner a dad would have to. Women wanted equal rights. Guess what? You can't pick and choose what rights you want equality on.

I had a dear friend who fought, and fought, and fought to get his children away from their drug addicted mother. It was a long financially and mentally draining process, but he did finally win. He was not made of money. In fact, he struggled as a single dad the same way single moms do. I don't recall ever once hearing about him actually getting child support from the dead beat mom, nor did I ever hear him complain about it. The only think he complained about was that "Mom" (and I use the term very loosely) didn't call on birthdays or holidays. She always "forgot". Sound familiar? That's because it is. Dead beat parents are just that, dead beat parents. It doesn't matter if they are mom or dad.

When you have a child with someone, whether you are the mother, OR the father, it's your responsibility to live up to your obligations, whether it works out with you and baby mama/baby daddy. Your child deserves every ounce of support from you, their PARENT, not mom, not dad, PARENT, are ordered by the court to provide. Your child also serves emotional support, loving support, and for you to grow the fuck up and act like the parent, not their friend. (I will save that for another blog) Spend time with your kids. Go to their events (sports, school, etc). And most importantly listen when they want to talk to you.

I am lucky on one hand, because my baby daddy is active in my kid's lives, and spends time with them. On the other hand, I have heard every excuse in the book as to why he can't pay his child support on time, or at all.

So the bottom line is, I understand the frustration on not getting your child support, believe me, I understand being on that end. But what you lovely readers need to understand, is that this is NOT just a dead beat dad thing anymore, it's a dead beat PARENT thing now. We're in the year 2011. It's time to pull the mentality out of the 1950s and live in the present.

1 comment:

  1. Great post Mama. My husband has never shirked his responsibilities with regards to his daughter but now she has come to live with us (long story and even longer court process) we have not heard a thing about child support from her!! We're doing ok at the moment but i can see a time where we will be struggling financially and will need that little bit of extra help. Thanks for a great read x