Monday, October 31, 2011

A guest blog I did for Inside the Mind of a Ghetto Genius on Facebook

Let's discuss the differences between Facebook friends, whom you have never met in person and likely never will, versus "In real life" type of friends (from this point forward IRL), that you see frequently. We all have both types of friends, so which is better? And why? One is almost always fucked up, the other, is amazing.

We will start with the IRL friends. These can range anywhere from people you've known all your life, to a co-worker that you really hit it off with and now hang with on the weekends. These are people you will stand up for without question (even when you know they're in the wrong), you go to all the big events in their lives such as graduations, birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, children's birthday parties, spend holidays and vacations with, etc. You have photo albums full of pictures of you with these friends, and all the good times you have had together. You have memories with these people, some good, some bad. You have bared your soul to these friends, and they know everything about you.

Next, let's discuss your Facebook friends (but really, any social/blogging network can be interchanged here) These are people that you have never met, and probably never will. You "met" online from a common interest such as a game, a fan page, a mutual friend, or something similar. Comments are exchanged back and forth. Eventually you "move up in the world" in to the message box, where you then start messaging each other back and forth. You realize you have so much more in common than you ever thought! Soon you start to turn to these friends for advice to problems you don't think your IRL friends will understand, or want an unbiased opinion on. You wonder where this amazing friend has been all your life! Over time you form a very strong friendship, and don't stop for a minute to think how funny it is you have never met this person offline.

Now, let's give a scenario, and put these two friend types to the test.

You come home from work early one day, and want to surprise your spouse with an afternoon of hot unbridled sex. You rush in the house, throw open the bedroom door, only to see that while your spouse IS enjoying an afternoon of hot unbridled sex, you were not invited, or even notified. Your spouse jumps up, forgetting he and his fuck buddy are naked, and starts with "It's not what it looks like....let me explain...." Explain my ass, do I look like I was born yesterday? Once the dust settles from the war that ensues, who do you turn to? Do you turn to your IRL friends, who are mutual friends of you and your spouse who you just caught butt ass naked fucking the neighbor? Or do you turn to your Facebook friends?

Now I know IRL friends always promise they will not take sides in the case of divorce, but I've seen it happen, you've seen it happen. IRL friends always do choose sides. Chances are the spouse you just caught, had been having an affair for a while (or whatever the particulars were in your situation...this is just one scenario out of thousands I can randomly pull out of my ass), and had already begun to "build his case" with these IRL friends. In their eyes, they are going with your spouse in the divorce, not with you. Why? Because they believed the tale of bullshit he has been spinning in advance, you know, in case you did happen to catch his cheating ass. Were they ever really friends? At some point, yes they were. Are they now? Fuck no. Now they have turned into drama hungry asshats who only want to sit back sipping their wine and discussing where you went wrong, because of course it couldn't be the fault of the lying cheating fucktard you just caught, now can it?

Your Facebook friends, however, have known for months that you suspected your spouse was cheating on you. They have been encouraging you to confront him, talk to him, ask him, and/or even try to figure out what is wrong and work it out. They will be the ones still there to help pick up the pieces and put you back together. They will be the ones offering to fly across the country just to be there for you, when the IRL friends have turned their back on you in favor of drama. Your Facebook friends will be the ones still around after the ink dries on the divorce documents, and they will be the ones laughing their ass off with you when your now ex-spouse's fuck buddy who is now the nightmare wife from hell, cheats on him and does to him what he did to you. They will also be the ones who will still be around long after the dust settles, and you have forgotten all about "what's his name". The only thing Facebook friends can't do is give you a hug when you really need it, but wait...where the fuck are all your IRL friends to give you this hug? Oh that's right, they left with "what's his name".

I have had the good fortune of meeting quite a number of my "online" friends in person, have vacationed with them, have had them in my home, have been in their home, talk to them, text with them, and hang out with them on a regular basis. I now have new memories, new photos, and these amazing people in my life. And you know what? I do not miss the IRL friends even a little, because true friendship does not take sides, and does not leave you behind in favor of drama.

There ARE creepy stalker type people out on the internet, don't get me wrong (and there are creepy stalker type people you know IRL too). But I have had the good fortune to meet some pretty damn amazing people in the 10+ years I have been blogging. You should always take caution in sharing personal details of your life with anyone you meet on the internet and even more caution meeting anyone offline. Safety first always.

That's my story, I'm sticking to it.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Checking accounts

Let's discuss checking accounts, shall we? I do not keep a register. I know this is not a good thing, so no lectures on this. I do not keep one, because every time I attempt to do this, I lose it anyway, so it's a moot point.

Anyway, I tend to keep my checks and balances in order by monitoring my account online. On a normal month, I write 2 to 3 checks, tops so this is not difficult for me to keep balances this way. It works for me, so I continue to do it. Once in a while this may go up by 1 check. My biggest pet peeve about checks is those who hold on to them for like a month before depositing them. Schools are absolutely the worst about this, BUT, in this particular instance it has been 3 weeks, and the non-school party I wrote this check has still not deposited it.

I get filled with this initial glee thinking I actually got some form of child support deposited (wishful thinking, yes, I know) by the state, but when I click the link to view transactions, I see it is only because said check still has not cleared.

Believe it or not, there are still businesses out there that do not take credit card, or I would completely stop writing checks all together for this very reason. Yes, yes I would.

Let's discuss the holidays for a moment or two, shall we?

I came to the conclusion tonight that most holidays have one common goal in mind for us. To make us fat.

This starts with Valentine's Day. Assuming you are involved with someone, you should be showered with chocolate and other sweet type things. (this is a moot point for me, I am not involved lol)

St Patrick's Day and Mardi Gras both bring with them booze. Mardi Gras brings cake too.

Easter is another candy filled holiday (though I have put a limit on this in my house) and a large dinner with leftovers for days

Memorial Day signals the first big cookout of the year. This is also another leftovers for days day.

June is a free month. Sit back, catch your breath, diet furiously.

July. 4th of July! more cookouts and if you have cookouts like what I have seen, there are always multiple desserts.

August, another free month!!! breathe....

September - Labor Day, usually the real last weekend you have for cookouts because now your life is consumed with school, after school sports, homework, etc.

October. I hate Halloween. I truly do. My children not only come home from school with the arms flowing over with candy, treat bags, cookies, etc, but then there is trick or treating. Trick or treating/crap brought home from school this year has resulted in 4 LARGE bowls of candy, not to mention a large pile of treat bags, and quite a few cookies. that does not count the cookies and other crap they brought home. It is not staying in the house, I have already warned them. I will let them munch on it until next weekend and if I can't find someone by then who wants it, it is OUT of this house. They are not allowed many sweets on a normal basis, so this month is always hard.

November. Oh Thanksgiving, all my comfort foods. I love you, I really do. I eat too much this one and only day, but I love you so. and I love you every day until I am sick of the sight and smell of you.

Christmas. This is like a re-run of Thanksgiving, except now there are Christmas cookies, candies, cakes, etc. none of which I think I will be baking this year. Christmas makes you remember why you don't eat turkey the rest of the year, so when you wonder in June, this is the answer. you burn yourself out on it in November and December.

New Year's Eve. I think the true reason we drink so much on this night is not to ring out the old year, and in the new, but to try to remember how much crap we actually ate throughout the year.

Just sayin.

A little rabbit is running happily

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

How parents should NOT act at their children's sporting events

I am going to use an example from when The Diva was a cheerleader, on how parents should NOT act at their children's sporting events.

We were at the final game for their division. The game was pretty intense, but the opposing team was definitely going to lose. There were some calls by the referees that the parents of the opposing team did not agree with. The coach of the opposing team did not agree with some of them either. There was much screaming by these adults in the middle of the field. Police were brought in. These parents were escorted out (football is serious business, yo) In the meantime, the coach of the opposing team came marching all the way across the field and bashed our coach in the face with a helmet. Cue much more outrage by the parents. Ok seriously? what did you teach the kids you are coaching here? I mean other than how to be a douche? Our coach wiped the blood off his face from his broken nose, and stayed calm (I still do not know HOW) and got back to business. Police came back in, arrested opposing coach, game commensed, opposing team lost. Our coach told me later that yes, he wanted to kick the other coach's ass, but he couldn't do it with "his kids" watching. He is my hero. THAT is the way to teach your kids how to behave at children's sporting events.

Now, this game was in a town I was not familiar with, and I did not realize I parked on the WAY wrong side of the school. I was walking back to my car with my daughter, and two other cheerleaders I was giving rides home (I was a coach, this was not unsual for me to take multiple cheerleaders to their houses after a game). I apparently parked on the side where all the parents from opposing team parked. Crap. And this is where I had to be the bigger person, shut my mouth (which as you know is hard for me to do), and set an example to these girls on how parents
should act at children's sporting events. This walk through the parking lot felt like it took an hour, though it was just a few minutes. These outraged parents were screaming obsenities at us, saying our team had cheated (seriously? how can you cheat at a VERY closely refereed game?) and started throwing shit at us. I am not going to lie, it took every ounce of strength I owned to not stop in my tracks and say something, but as I said, these parents were prime examples of how NOT to act, and I had to show these girls how you SHOULD act. We did get to the car safely, though one asshat tried to bash my windshield in with I can't even remember what it was, and I had a very long talk with these girls about what happened both on the field, and in the parking lot on the way home.

Now I have been to many, many different sporting events not just for my children, but for friend's children, nieces/nephews, etc. I think I have seen it all. I have seen everything from the ex-wife/current wife getting in to a screaming match and almost ready to let the fists fly until they get pulled apart, to the parents who demean their child for not performing up to their standards.

The demeaning parents are the ones that piss me off the most. Just because you couldn't/didn't/whatever do said sport, does not mean that your child needs to, nor does it mean your child should perform to your standards. What happened to when we put our children in sports for FUN? When your child is standing on the sidelines, or in the dugout, crying because YOU just reamed him for not performing to your expectations or for making an error, then you are an absolute failure as a parent. Kids make mistakes. Kids should do sports for fun. If your child is out there crying because of you, then your child is not having fun.

You are usually the parent who signs the child up for said sport, knowing he/she didn't want to do it in the first place, or is not physically up to it. Before you sign any child up for any sport, you should talk to your child about what this sport will involve, and hey even try ASKING if they even want to do it? and if you do get your child involved in sports, which is fabulous, don't be a failure of a parent by demeaning the child by screaming, yelling, or talking down to them either on OR off the field. Not only are you setting a bad example, but you are giving the child a very poor image of themselves. So when that child grows up to have self image problems, be sure to pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

If you have been guilty of any of the above, you are a failure of a parent. if this post pisses you off, then you are a failure of a parent because it hit a nerve. why would it hit a nerve....well just let me sit back and think about that......